Tonight
I find myself sitting in bed with Lola, touching her nose, then my nose and saying the word, “nose.” Slowly and repeatedly, you know, so she can learn.
…
You guys, I think I have a problem.
YOU GUYS.
I may have watched this too many times today. And I may have sung along. And I’m probably going to watch it again in a minute.
I am such a sucker for Les Mis. I even enjoyed seeing it last summer — remember that? With the guy who sobbed through the entire performance, while eating M&Ms like he was at a movie? Remember that date? Les Mis made that date tolerable. That’s how much I love it.
Why do I have to wait until December?
/fangirl
Dear tumblr,
We seem to have a million different professions represented here — except for doctors! Won’t someone tell me that I’m not dying? I’m starting to think that my stomach and intestines are trying to claw their way out of my body — Alien style — and Dr. Google is doing me no good!
So, tumblr, let’s rally some doctors to join the crowd, m’kay? And then someone can comfort me and tell me I’m not going to explode/implode/be sick forever?
Thanks.
Typhoid Mary aka Nicole
The obvious explanation is that every time a woman tries to tell a joke, an invisible dream-catcher telescopes out of her vagina and snatches it from the air. Science.
Amen, folks. Men who argue that women “just aren’t funny” are the exact same guys who “just shouldn’t get to touch vaginas.” Done.
Speaking of what a difference a few years can make…
I’m working from home and watching old episodes of Real Housewives of New York. And I’m struck by the evolution of Bethenny, then and now.
Five years ago, Bethenny Frankel was broke, couldn’t make her rent, broke up with her boyfriend because he didn’t want kids and had a slew of mostly-failed career ventures behind her. She was best known for coming in second on the Martha Stewart version of The Apprentice.
Today, she’s a best selling author, married, has a kid, made a multimillion dollar deal with Beam for Skinnygirl and is on the cusp of launching a talk show produced by Ellen. Oh, and she may have been on the cover of Forbes (and a whole bunch of other magazines, but Forbes!).
I’m not saying she doesn’t still have problems like everyone else, or that you have to like her (I do, but I think her diet advice is BS). But what I’m saying is that she made huge, sweeping, dramatic life changes in five years. That’s it. Her life now is virtually unrecognizable compared to five years ago.
So who says we can’t do the same?
A thank you to my shitty old boss
So today, my current boss (who is awesome) had a run in with one of my past bosses (not so awesome).
That old boss? She made my life a living hell. Despite the fact that I beat every goal she planned for me and that I was well-liked by the board and staff, she was gunning for me since day one. She promised me raises and promotions that never came through. She put every roadblock in my way. In fact, one year in my review, she told me that if I didn’t get a life coach — a life coach — she was going to put me on probation, despite the fact that I had only received glowing reviews from everyone I worked with.
She ran me out of a job that I loved. I anguished over leaving the job. I cried for weeks and finally, I decided that the job I loved — where I never got my promised raises, where my benefits were slashed every year, where I was constantly beat down — didn’t love me back. So I left, and it was really, incredibly heartbreaking.
Five years later, I absolutely love what I’m doing. I love my new boss and (most of) the people I work with, and I’ve been promoted and recognized in every position I’ve had since leaving that job.
So even though that woman made my life a living hell, I can look back on that experience and thank her. I thank her for being so terrible to me — because it made me leave and find something so much better. She drove me out of a job I loved into one I love much, much more. And I’m stronger and happier for it — and she’s still a miserable, angry, bitter person.
Our challenges and hardships make us who we are. And even when things suck, things get better — sometimes so much better than you imagine.
So thank you to my shitty old boss. You made my life miserable for two years, and super awesome for all of the years after that. Thanks for driving me to find something infinitely better than working for you.
Oh yeah
Still sick. Feeling worse than yesterday, but I’m going to chalk that up to having to get up at 6:30 and being bitter about it.
Going into work for a cluster of a.m. meetings, then snagging my laptop and coming home. I haven’t taken a sick day all year and I have too much work for a true sick day, but THERE WILL BE NAPS and that’s that.
Breakfast is Gatorade and saltines. I know. Be jealous.
Wet, naked Lola. Poor doodle. When I get bored, I clean — and that includes cleaning her. She looks extra tiny when she’s wet.
Almost human again. Hair: washed. Clothes: clean. Lola: decently walked for the first time in days.
And now I’m exhausted. Being human is hard work.
I want pancakes and I want them now!
All weekend I’ve been craving pancakes. Fantasizing about pancakes. Imagining the photo of the pancakes that I’d post on tumblr and say, “these are not protein pancakes and they are delicious!”
But there will be no pancakes. Not because they’re not healthy or not in the plan or whatever. But because I’m on day four of debilitating stomach cramps and while they’re becoming fewer and farther between, I’m not willing to jack up my innards for my sexy lover, le pancake. Oh pancake, we will have our day! Be patient, my love!
Sigh. Toast and Gatorade is getting a little boring. Eat a pancake for me, m’kay tumblr?
